Kuvandudza mararamiro ekupona muguinea nguruve dzichangozvarwa
Yakanyorwa naRoger Boraston
Chiitiko chedu nekuberekesa gilt chaive chinoshamisa zvekuti takasarudza kuti zvingafadze munhu wese, uye saka takanyora chinyorwa ichi.
Ngwariro yedu yakakweverwa kumuitiro mumwe unotyisa, watakacherekedza tichipfupikisa miuyo yegore. Imwe hadzi yakafirwa nevana vayo vaviri pakuzvarwa, imwe yakarasikirwa nevana vayo vose vatanhatu, uye yechitatu yakabereka nguva isati yakwana uye sezvo takanga tisingatarisiri izvi, hadzi yakachengetwa mukeji imwe neimwe hono yakauraya vana vose pashure. vakaberekwa (zvichida tinofungidzira kuti izvi ndizvo zvakaitika, sezvo vana vose vakafa nekuda kwekurwiswa). Kureva kuti, hupenyu hwevana hauna kudarika 40% pagore. Uye hakuzi kuverenga vakadzi vakafa pakuzvara. Chokwadi chimwe chinhu chaifanira kuitwa!
Rimwe gore rakapfuura, pakupera kwatakaita shamwari yedu kubva kuWales kuti anzwe kuti mukadzi wake aive sei, izvo zvaakasiya nesu kuti tiwane murume akakodzera, sezvo aisada kuwana murume werudzi urwu. Inzwi reparunhare rakaita serakavhundutsa, sezvo murume uyu akanga arasikirwa nehadzi dzake dzakawanda uye vana vake mugore rakanga rapfuura, uye kunetseka kwake kwakanga kusiri kwechokwadi. Ndakakwanisa kupindura kuti kuzvara kwakatanga mazuva maviri zuva raitarisirwa risati rasvika, asi zvisinei neizvi, hadzi yacho yakabereka nguruve ina dzine utano. Vese amai nevana vari kuita zvakanaka. Uye kutaura zvazviri, hapana pavana makumi matatu nevaviri vakazvarwa kune gilts edu vakafa mugore rapfuura, zvichiunza huwandu hwekupona mumwedzi gumi nemiviri yapfuura kusvika makumi mapfumbamwe neshanu muzana zvichienzaniswa ne32% gore rapfuura. 12 nguruve dzakazvarwa uye 93 chete dzadzo dzakafa.
Yakanyorwa naRoger Boraston
Chiitiko chedu nekuberekesa gilt chaive chinoshamisa zvekuti takasarudza kuti zvingafadze munhu wese, uye saka takanyora chinyorwa ichi.
Ngwariro yedu yakakweverwa kumuitiro mumwe unotyisa, watakacherekedza tichipfupikisa miuyo yegore. Imwe hadzi yakafirwa nevana vayo vaviri pakuzvarwa, imwe yakarasikirwa nevana vayo vose vatanhatu, uye yechitatu yakabereka nguva isati yakwana uye sezvo takanga tisingatarisiri izvi, hadzi yakachengetwa mukeji imwe neimwe hono yakauraya vana vose pashure. vakaberekwa (zvichida tinofungidzira kuti izvi ndizvo zvakaitika, sezvo vana vose vakafa nekuda kwekurwiswa). Kureva kuti, hupenyu hwevana hauna kudarika 40% pagore. Uye hakuzi kuverenga vakadzi vakafa pakuzvara. Chokwadi chimwe chinhu chaifanira kuitwa!
Rimwe gore rakapfuura, pakupera kwatakaita shamwari yedu kubva kuWales kuti anzwe kuti mukadzi wake aive sei, izvo zvaakasiya nesu kuti tiwane murume akakodzera, sezvo aisada kuwana murume werudzi urwu. Inzwi reparunhare rakaita serakavhundutsa, sezvo murume uyu akanga arasikirwa nehadzi dzake dzakawanda uye vana vake mugore rakanga rapfuura, uye kunetseka kwake kwakanga kusiri kwechokwadi. Ndakakwanisa kupindura kuti kuzvara kwakatanga mazuva maviri zuva raitarisirwa risati rasvika, asi zvisinei neizvi, hadzi yacho yakabereka nguruve ina dzine utano. Vese amai nevana vari kuita zvakanaka. Uye kutaura zvazviri, hapana pavana makumi matatu nevaviri vakazvarwa kune gilts edu vakafa mugore rapfuura, zvichiunza huwandu hwekupona mumwedzi gumi nemiviri yapfuura kusvika makumi mapfumbamwe neshanu muzana zvichienzaniswa ne32% gore rapfuura. 12 nguruve dzakazvarwa uye 93 chete dzadzo dzakafa.
Ndinoda kutaura kuti takawana sei kuvandudzwa kwakadaro.
Uye kune backstory kune zvese zviri pamusoro uye pazasi, ini ndichadzokera kune patakatanga kupfuya mhuka dzenguruve dzemwanasikana wangu, makore makumi maviri apfuura. Pasinei nekuti dzimwe nguva takakanganisa, semuenzaniso, mukudyisa, isu tichiri kubudirira mune zvimwe zvinhu. Kazhinji tinorega nguruve dzedu dzichitenderera mubindu redu kana danga. Izvi zvakachengeta gilts muchimiro chakanaka uye hadzi dzakabereka vana vakasimba, vane hutano pasina dambudziko. Asi taichengetawo vanhukadzi nevarume vari pamwe chete nguva dzose, izvo zvakaita kuti mukadzi achangosununguka aberekezve, uye kazhinji kazhinji aifa nguva pfupi pashure pokusununguka kechipiri.
Aya ma paramita maviri (chimiro chemuviri uye kushushikana) ndizvo zvakakonzera matambudziko edu patakatanga kubereka gilts. Takatenga shedhi yataida kuisa matanga atakaita isu. Asi, zvinosuruvarisa, nzira yekuvaka yakatanga mushure mokunge tatanga kubereka, uye zvakava pachena kuti chikonzero chechimiro chakaipa chegilts uye kushungurudzika kwaiva kuwandisa kwemajeri aripo, uye takasarudza kuisa pfungwa pane izvi.
Uye chiitiko chakatikurudzira kuita izvi pakanga pari apo mwanasikana wangu Becky akaunza nguruve ine pamuviri kuti inotengeswa kubva muchitoro chezvipfuyo kwaanoshanda. Aive mudiki, achitya uye asina hutano. Takamuisa mune imwe kamuri, tikamudyisa takaparadzana, kunyange zvazvo aiva nomukana wokuona vamwe, uyewo apo neapo taimurega achimhanya-mhanya nevamwe. Nenguva isipi akabva apinda muchimiro chakanaka, sekunge akanga atorwa kubva kukireshi yakanaka, ndokubereka vana vake nyore nyore. Payakasvika nguva yekusununguka, zvinhu zvose zvakafamba zvakanaka, uye vana vakanga vakakura uye vane utano hwakanaka, izvo zvakatishamisa nekukura kwake uye zera.
Izvi zvakaitika nguva pfupi yapfuura "nzvimbo yedu yekuongorora". Ndakabuditsa matanga edu ese akasakara uye mune aya aive akasimba, ndakaatsiva nemafafitera enguruve kuti aone. Izvi zvakabvumira vakadzi vedu vane pamuviri, avo vakaiswa mumakamuri akasiyana, kuona vamwe vose. Izvi zvakatibvumira kurumudza vanhukadzi kutanga kwenhumbu, paakanga asina kunyatsotsanangurwa, uye kusachengeta gilt nevamwe kusvika pekupedzisira. Takava nechivimbo zvikuru mukururama kwezviito zvedu zvokuti takabvumira mumwe wevakadzi vedu vakasimba uye vakadyiswa zvakanaka kuti vasununguke pamwedzi mina, iyo yatakanga tisina kumbozvibvumira timene kare uye tisina kutongorota. Akasununguka nyore nyore vana vana vane utano uye vakasimba.
Saka, chii chaive, mumaonero edu, zvikonzero zvekuderera kwekupona kwevana mumarara? Heano mienzaniso mina mikuru yatakakwanisa kugadzirisa dambudziko nenzira imwe kana imwe:
Case one
Vakadzi vaviri, avo vaigara pamwe chete uye vaiva noushamwari zvikuru, vakaroorwa nomurume mumwe chete, uye kuti tisaparadzanise shamwari, takavasiya kuti vagare ndokuberekera mukeji imwe. Sezvakazoitika, ichi ndicho chaiva chikonzero chenjodzi yakatevera. Mukadzi wekutanga akabereka vana pasina matambudziko, asi vana vakazvarwa vakafadza nguruve yechipiri zvakanyanya zvokuti yakatanga basa rekushanda kare kupfuura yaaifanira kunge atanga, haana kubudirira akaedza kubereka vana vake, vasati vagadzirira kubereka, uye semucheche. takarasikirwa nehadzi nemhuru dzayo.
Mukadzi wokutanga akayamwisa vana vake, asi kubvira ipapo takadzidza kuti hazvibviri kubvumira hadzi mbiri kuti dziberekere mukeji imwe chete, sezvo pagara paine ngozi yokuti chimwe chinhu chikanganise. Nokudaro, tinogadzika vakadzi vane pamuviri mumakeji akasiyana, tichivabvumira kuonana kuburikidza nepakatsemuka. Muchiitiko chedu, izvi hazvivatadzise kana kuvakuvadza nenzira ipi zvayo.
Nyaya yechipiri
Amai vakazvara kekutanga vakabereka nguruve imwe, asi havana kukwanisa kumusunungura kubva pamakumbo ekuberekwa kuti akwanise kufema. Sezvineiwo, takanonoka kusvika kuti tibatsire. Takabva tangomuisa kuti akwire nerume, uye iyi ndiyo yaive nyaya yedu chete apo hadzi, mushure mekukurumidza kukwira, yakabereka nguruve dzine hutano pasina dambudziko uye ikaramba ichirarama.
Mhosva nhatu nechina
Nyaya mbiri idzi dzinogona kusanganiswa pamwe chete: Musiyano chete ndewekuti imwe yehadzi yakadyiswa zvishoma uye takaedza kumudzosa kune zvakajairika. Pamwe chimwe chezvikonzero chakaita kuti afe chaive ichi. Chero zvazvingava, takaparadzanisa vakadzi vaviri kubva kuvarume vavo nokukurumidza patakwanisa kuziva kuti vaiva nepamuviri. Takavaisa mumakeji akasiyana uye takabva tangoona kuti kuda kwavo kudya uye manzwiro avo kwakawedzera sei, vakagara vakaisa mhino dzavo mukona uye vakaratidza kugumbuka uye vakaora mwoyo, uye vakanga vasina matambudziko ehutano. Pakupedzisira, mumwe mukadzi, ane ruzivo rwakanyanya uye achibereka kakawanda, akabereka vana vana, iyo imwe chete yakapona (uye ipapo nerubatsiro rwedu), asi imwe yakafa.
Chikonzero cheizvi tinoona kuparadzaniswa kwakapinza kubva kumurume uye kuchinja mucheji, saka ikozvino isu nguva dzose, patinoda kuisa mukadzi ane pamuviri, chokutanga tinomuisa muimba itsva nemurume, uye paanoshandiswa. kwazviri zvishoma, tinomuisa mukeji iri pedyo.
Ndiko kuti, zvinoitika kuti nekuvaka hwindo duku pakati pemakeji kuitira kuti nguruve dzione uye dzitaurirane, isu nokudaro tinogadzirisa dambudziko rinokosha zvikuru rekuzviparadzanisa kwenguruve dzine pamuviri. Dzimwe nguruve dzinokurudzirwa nekuvapo kwemusikana wechipiri, dzimwe nehono, uye dzimwe neboka remhuka. Kuvapo kwemuvakidzani (vavakidzani) kunovandudza mafungiro, kunyange zvazvo dzimwe nguruve dzichida kusurukirwa uye hupenyu huri kuzvimirira. Kunyanya, kukurukurirana kwakadaro kunoderedza zvikuru kunetseka panguva yekuzvitakura.
Mushure mekuverenga kuzvarwa kwese, kufa, kutengwa uye kutengeswa gilts mukennel yedu mumakore achangopfuura, takaona kuti nhamba yemagilts yakachinja zvakanyanya, uye nhamba yemakeji yakawedzera zvakanyanya. Rimwe dambudziko raunogara uchisangana naro kana uchipfuya nguruve nderekuti haumbofi wakakwana emahara matanga!
© Dudziro yakaitwa naAlexandra Belousova
Ndinoda kutaura kuti takawana sei kuvandudzwa kwakadaro.
Uye kune backstory kune zvese zviri pamusoro uye pazasi, ini ndichadzokera kune patakatanga kupfuya mhuka dzenguruve dzemwanasikana wangu, makore makumi maviri apfuura. Pasinei nekuti dzimwe nguva takakanganisa, semuenzaniso, mukudyisa, isu tichiri kubudirira mune zvimwe zvinhu. Kazhinji tinorega nguruve dzedu dzichitenderera mubindu redu kana danga. Izvi zvakachengeta gilts muchimiro chakanaka uye hadzi dzakabereka vana vakasimba, vane hutano pasina dambudziko. Asi taichengetawo vanhukadzi nevarume vari pamwe chete nguva dzose, izvo zvakaita kuti mukadzi achangosununguka aberekezve, uye kazhinji kazhinji aifa nguva pfupi pashure pokusununguka kechipiri.
Aya ma paramita maviri (chimiro chemuviri uye kushushikana) ndizvo zvakakonzera matambudziko edu patakatanga kubereka gilts. Takatenga shedhi yataida kuisa matanga atakaita isu. Asi, zvinosuruvarisa, nzira yekuvaka yakatanga mushure mokunge tatanga kubereka, uye zvakava pachena kuti chikonzero chechimiro chakaipa chegilts uye kushungurudzika kwaiva kuwandisa kwemajeri aripo, uye takasarudza kuisa pfungwa pane izvi.
Uye chiitiko chakatikurudzira kuita izvi pakanga pari apo mwanasikana wangu Becky akaunza nguruve ine pamuviri kuti inotengeswa kubva muchitoro chezvipfuyo kwaanoshanda. Aive mudiki, achitya uye asina hutano. Takamuisa mune imwe kamuri, tikamudyisa takaparadzana, kunyange zvazvo aiva nomukana wokuona vamwe, uyewo apo neapo taimurega achimhanya-mhanya nevamwe. Nenguva isipi akabva apinda muchimiro chakanaka, sekunge akanga atorwa kubva kukireshi yakanaka, ndokubereka vana vake nyore nyore. Payakasvika nguva yekusununguka, zvinhu zvose zvakafamba zvakanaka, uye vana vakanga vakakura uye vane utano hwakanaka, izvo zvakatishamisa nekukura kwake uye zera.
Izvi zvakaitika nguva pfupi yapfuura "nzvimbo yedu yekuongorora". Ndakabuditsa matanga edu ese akasakara uye mune aya aive akasimba, ndakaatsiva nemafafitera enguruve kuti aone. Izvi zvakabvumira vakadzi vedu vane pamuviri, avo vakaiswa mumakamuri akasiyana, kuona vamwe vose. Izvi zvakatibvumira kurumudza vanhukadzi kutanga kwenhumbu, paakanga asina kunyatsotsanangurwa, uye kusachengeta gilt nevamwe kusvika pekupedzisira. Takava nechivimbo zvikuru mukururama kwezviito zvedu zvokuti takabvumira mumwe wevakadzi vedu vakasimba uye vakadyiswa zvakanaka kuti vasununguke pamwedzi mina, iyo yatakanga tisina kumbozvibvumira timene kare uye tisina kutongorota. Akasununguka nyore nyore vana vana vane utano uye vakasimba.
Saka, chii chaive, mumaonero edu, zvikonzero zvekuderera kwekupona kwevana mumarara? Heano mienzaniso mina mikuru yatakakwanisa kugadzirisa dambudziko nenzira imwe kana imwe:
Case one
Vakadzi vaviri, avo vaigara pamwe chete uye vaiva noushamwari zvikuru, vakaroorwa nomurume mumwe chete, uye kuti tisaparadzanise shamwari, takavasiya kuti vagare ndokuberekera mukeji imwe. Sezvakazoitika, ichi ndicho chaiva chikonzero chenjodzi yakatevera. Mukadzi wekutanga akabereka vana pasina matambudziko, asi vana vakazvarwa vakafadza nguruve yechipiri zvakanyanya zvokuti yakatanga basa rekushanda kare kupfuura yaaifanira kunge atanga, haana kubudirira akaedza kubereka vana vake, vasati vagadzirira kubereka, uye semucheche. takarasikirwa nehadzi nemhuru dzayo.
Mukadzi wokutanga akayamwisa vana vake, asi kubvira ipapo takadzidza kuti hazvibviri kubvumira hadzi mbiri kuti dziberekere mukeji imwe chete, sezvo pagara paine ngozi yokuti chimwe chinhu chikanganise. Nokudaro, tinogadzika vakadzi vane pamuviri mumakeji akasiyana, tichivabvumira kuonana kuburikidza nepakatsemuka. Muchiitiko chedu, izvi hazvivatadzise kana kuvakuvadza nenzira ipi zvayo.
Nyaya yechipiri
Amai vakazvara kekutanga vakabereka nguruve imwe, asi havana kukwanisa kumusunungura kubva pamakumbo ekuberekwa kuti akwanise kufema. Sezvineiwo, takanonoka kusvika kuti tibatsire. Takabva tangomuisa kuti akwire nerume, uye iyi ndiyo yaive nyaya yedu chete apo hadzi, mushure mekukurumidza kukwira, yakabereka nguruve dzine hutano pasina dambudziko uye ikaramba ichirarama.
Mhosva nhatu nechina
Nyaya mbiri idzi dzinogona kusanganiswa pamwe chete: Musiyano chete ndewekuti imwe yehadzi yakadyiswa zvishoma uye takaedza kumudzosa kune zvakajairika. Pamwe chimwe chezvikonzero chakaita kuti afe chaive ichi. Chero zvazvingava, takaparadzanisa vakadzi vaviri kubva kuvarume vavo nokukurumidza patakwanisa kuziva kuti vaiva nepamuviri. Takavaisa mumakeji akasiyana uye takabva tangoona kuti kuda kwavo kudya uye manzwiro avo kwakawedzera sei, vakagara vakaisa mhino dzavo mukona uye vakaratidza kugumbuka uye vakaora mwoyo, uye vakanga vasina matambudziko ehutano. Pakupedzisira, mumwe mukadzi, ane ruzivo rwakanyanya uye achibereka kakawanda, akabereka vana vana, iyo imwe chete yakapona (uye ipapo nerubatsiro rwedu), asi imwe yakafa.
Chikonzero cheizvi tinoona kuparadzaniswa kwakapinza kubva kumurume uye kuchinja mucheji, saka ikozvino isu nguva dzose, patinoda kuisa mukadzi ane pamuviri, chokutanga tinomuisa muimba itsva nemurume, uye paanoshandiswa. kwazviri zvishoma, tinomuisa mukeji iri pedyo.
Ndiko kuti, zvinoitika kuti nekuvaka hwindo duku pakati pemakeji kuitira kuti nguruve dzione uye dzitaurirane, isu nokudaro tinogadzirisa dambudziko rinokosha zvikuru rekuzviparadzanisa kwenguruve dzine pamuviri. Dzimwe nguruve dzinokurudzirwa nekuvapo kwemusikana wechipiri, dzimwe nehono, uye dzimwe neboka remhuka. Kuvapo kwemuvakidzani (vavakidzani) kunovandudza mafungiro, kunyange zvazvo dzimwe nguruve dzichida kusurukirwa uye hupenyu huri kuzvimirira. Kunyanya, kukurukurirana kwakadaro kunoderedza zvikuru kunetseka panguva yekuzvitakura.
Mushure mekuverenga kuzvarwa kwese, kufa, kutengwa uye kutengeswa gilts mukennel yedu mumakore achangopfuura, takaona kuti nhamba yemagilts yakachinja zvakanyanya, uye nhamba yemakeji yakawedzera zvakanyanya. Rimwe dambudziko raunogara uchisangana naro kana uchipfuya nguruve nderekuti haumbofi wakakwana emahara matanga!
© Dudziro yakaitwa naAlexandra Belousova
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